Friday, January 27, 2012

Memory Loss

Okay, so my memory has been fading pretty quickly.  It happened right when I became a mother.  The amount of information I need to retain and be proactive about just squeezed out the rest of the information I had before thought so vital.  Sadly, my family is suffering the consequences of a forgetful mama.
This morning was a prime example.  Pablo is our chihuahua and we have to be really careful about letting him go outside.  We have hawks and coyotes right at the back of our fence and can't leave him out there too long alone.  The hubby is really adamant about this.  Me...not so much.  This is because, I seriously forget I let him out or need to let him back in.  This repeats itself every morning.  This morning Josh let him out and said let him back in a few minutes.   I look him in the eye and say, "Yes. Sure, no problem."  Then, I go on living the rest of my life.  I had a toddler to wake up, dress and feed.  I had 7 emails composing in my mind about some stressful work drama that had been unfolding all week.  I had my To Do list circulating because it's Friday and Friday is "ME" day and I have to have a To Do list or I.Will.Die.  I had a strong desire of wanting to create some jewelry today because I haven't been able to in too long.  My mind was at capacity.  Plus, I still had one more sock to put on.

Down at breakfast, Josh is frantically looking for Pablo.  "Did you let him in? I can't find him!  He's not in the yard, either!"  I freeze, trying to remember...who's Pablo?  Okay, it's not quite that bad yet.  I remember opening the door and calling him.  I remember him not coming right away.  Josh darts out to the yard fearing the worst.  That a hawk has picked up poor little Pablo.  He comes back in, more frantic this time.  Me...still calm.  Still trying to remember if I let him in or not.  Then, I realize, Yes!  I did let him in.  Right before I put on that other sock.  Or was it after?  Either way, he came in...right?  I know I let him in yesterday.  Does that count?  My husband gives me the most "I'm so annoyed with you right now" glare.
Well, we search and find Pablo comfortably curled up on the pet pillow just calmly looking at us.

We get in a discussion about how I simply can't remember letting him back in.  I try to explain my side:  We have too many pets!  I can't keep track of them, work, home life, our son.  How did we get this many pets?! I think some of them should pay rent.

I'm trying and I'm failing.  I do love little Pablo to pieces, but I was just sure it would work itself out.  Pablo could be in, Pablo could be out.  Pablo could be drinking a beer.  It'll be fine.
Poor Pablo.  I'm sorry little buddy.  I'm trying here.  I just can't remember ANYTHING like this.  I can remember work stuff, for the most part.  Home life is another battle.  It's the little things that I don't have a capacity for anymore.  The last 3 times I've taken Pablo with me to visit my mom, a sibling has ran out in the driveway flagging me down as I pull away and then hands me my little puppy.  Oops.  3 TIMES IN A ROW this has happened.

Maybe I need more yoga.  Maybe I need more mediation.  Or meditation at all.  Does counting running upstairs only to stand in the hallway and wonder what I came upstairs for count as meditation?  I'm still.  I'm quiet.  I'm breathing.

Mamahood brought me so much happiness, but then took most of sanity and memory with it.

Will it come back??  Or...gasp!  Am I turning into my mother?!

When Pablo was a puppy.  So, so cute!


  1. that was fun to read! who needs memory, anyways? just don't forget about little buddy, because he will bark non-stop until you let him back in.

  2. I PROMISE to be more attentive with Brindle when he comes to stay for a bit. Good thing is that he will bark! Pablo doesn't bark at all outside, so it's hard to remember. I will definitely make sure I'm on my game when Brindle is here. :)

  3. Thank goodness he's okay. I just had an anxiety attack reading this. Eight years into adoptive motherhood and I find that remembering everything for everyone else is my primary task. Your brain has become community property. I think we get our memories back right before dementia sets in. You're still the smartest person in the house.

  4. Pablo is soooo cute! I love the part of the story where he's sitting on his pillow calmly staring at you guys. Lol. It sounds like you have 100 million things to do, you seem to be staying on top of thing really well!


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