The Wisdom of a Fortune Cookie

I've come to the conclusion that I am a big heap of indecisive, fast paced, creative mess of a gal.  There is so much I want to do right now that it's impossible to fit it all into my life at this moment.  I want to be able to slow down and appreciate each  moment, which is a Buddhist daily goal I try hard to grasp.

I always hated the question of "What do you want to be when you grow up?"    Well, I want to be a million things.  Why do I have to choose one?  And, in the moments of today I am more than one.  I am more than two.  I am more than three.  My curiosity and interests get the best of me and as much as I try to sit peacefully for a moment, my mind races full speed ahead of ideas and what ifs.  Nag, nag, nag.  A piece of writing that is cramped in my head that I must get out to give space to something else to develop.  The 15 things that are wrong with the current event I'm promoting and what I need to do to fix them.  Ideas of new activities I can do with my son.  People I need to sit down and have a drink with (and I have been making that happen, which I love!).  The yoga mat I ran to a month or so ago has gotten dusty in the corner and I'm kicking myself for that.  I did feel so much more centered during those weeks of commitment.  

Breathe.  Chill out.  Not all of it may ever get done, or develop into something great.  

I want to welcome hot, slow summer days that await ahead.  I guess for myself that is going to be a challenge to get to, but definitely worth trying.

I need to follow the advice of the ol' Fortune Cookie wisdom that I recently received...

Coachella

Today's early morning hours have me finishing up a few work things, cramming a few more things into my suitcase and shortly, turning on my out of office for my work email.  We are headed to Coachella!
We sat out last year since we weren't ready to leave the wee one just yet.  I've lost count of how many Coachella's we've been too...almost all of them at this point.  It's become kind of a springtime tradition for us and a lot of the bands playing we get a chance to book in the Midwest so it's nice to see everyone's reactions to them at a big festival like this.
We both could use this quick vacation to soak up some sun, some music and most of all to just enjoy getting out of town for a little bit.  I will miss my munchkin dearly, but he will have a vacation of his own with his cousins.  Have a great rest of the week and weekend!
Cheers!

Unanswered Questions

I've been thinking about adoption a lot lately.  Our story, his story...how I want to do so much more to help the orphan situation worldwide and raise awareness.  When I find moments to slow my day down and think, I always come back to this topic.  It pulls me.  It breaks me, but it inspires me to do something.
I have to admit, I have gotten caught up in life and haven't pursued my interest and connection to adoption like I wanted.    Like I thought I strongly would.  I'm disappointed in myself.  Sure, we talk to G about his story all the time, but as he is becoming more aware of his surroundings I want to really focus on it.   22 months ago, we got home and hit the ground running.  Life became more about trying to be a good mother to a child in general that I didn't spend as much time as I should concerned about the fact he is adopted. That the fact is adopted from a country all the way around the world.   That is changing now.  He is becoming more independent.  As I watch him and his curiosity develop, I'm brought back to who does he look like?  What will he think of all of this?  How badly I want to take him back there and let him see.  See it all.  The streets, the pastures, the people, the smells.   How I want to have conversations that he understands so I can ask him if I'm doing this right.
And, then there is her...I have dreams of her.  A lot of them right now.  Little, tiny her.  The other night I was doing her hair.  Little curls, twisting and conditioning them with love.  Oh, how I love to do his hair so this is where that dream came from.   I know we are not ready, but sometimes I don't want that to matter.   It's starting to tug on me.  Just like it did for him.  I had a sense of urgency with him.   Something was wrong in my heart and I rushed to get through the paperwork.  I had no idea why I was in such a big rush (as I knew this was not something that could be rushed) until I saw him and knew why I was here.  To mother him.  For now, she might just appear in my dreams.  He did.

Here we are in Addis Ababa in our hotel room.  The first time I played music for Gadisa.  Bob Marley.  I don't know if it was the Iphone or the music itself that he was intrigued by.  He is a fan of both now!  

I made this bracelet for him months before we even met him.  It sat waiting on my dresser for his little arm.  I wore a matching Ethiopia necklace the whole time we waited for him...and I still wear it sometimes.

Much Needed

Today has been what I hope more days are like...
Morning tea in my hammock porch swing. Just drifting back and forth.
Boys sleeping in on a Tuesday after a late night.
A trip to the garden & nursery that I have lived near for 7 years and never ventured into. I don't know why because I loved my visit there!
Forcing myself to only check work email just a few times because I. do. not. work. on. Tuesdays. Perhaps, I can limit this even more. A work in progress.
Enjoying the company of my hubby who took the day off and loving the look of peace on his face.
Getting my hands into some dirt and turning an ugly corner into green loveliness.
Such a great, much needed day.