I have to admit, I have gotten caught up in life and haven't pursued my interest and connection to adoption like I wanted. Like I thought I strongly would. I'm disappointed in myself. Sure, we talk to G about his story all the time, but as he is becoming more aware of his surroundings I want to really focus on it. 22 months ago, we got home and hit the ground running. Life became more about trying to be a good mother to a child in general that I didn't spend as much time as I should concerned about the fact he is adopted. That the fact is adopted from a country all the way around the world. That is changing now. He is becoming more independent. As I watch him and his curiosity develop, I'm brought back to who does he look like? What will he think of all of this? How badly I want to take him back there and let him see. See it all. The streets, the pastures, the people, the smells. How I want to have conversations that he understands so I can ask him if I'm doing this right.
And, then there is her...I have dreams of her. A lot of them right now. Little, tiny her. The other night I was doing her hair. Little curls, twisting and conditioning them with love. Oh, how I love to do his hair so this is where that dream came from. I know we are not ready, but sometimes I don't want that to matter. It's starting to tug on me. Just like it did for him. I had a sense of urgency with him. Something was wrong in my heart and I rushed to get through the paperwork. I had no idea why I was in such a big rush (as I knew this was not something that could be rushed) until I saw him and knew why I was here. To mother him. For now, she might just appear in my dreams. He did.
Here we are in Addis Ababa in our hotel room. The first time I played music for Gadisa. Bob Marley. I don't know if it was the Iphone or the music itself that he was intrigued by. He is a fan of both now!
I made this bracelet for him months before we even met him. It sat waiting on my dresser for his little arm. I wore a matching Ethiopia necklace the whole time we waited for him...and I still wear it sometimes.