A Mindful Moment

I am loving today. I'm not running late (as opposed to the last 48 hours when I was running late to every single thing). I was up early and enjoying a new flavor of tea on my front porch and watching the neighborhood wake up. I am listening to Annette Hanshaw sing her flapper self around my living room while finding my hand's rhythm with silver wire resulting in earrings I am quite pleased with. I thank her for today's goodness. Here's to seeing the goodness in your day as well. Cheers!

It Takes A Village

All I hear is the hum of the ceiling fan. The rhythmic sounds of the washer in the distance. The drops of rain dripping on the porch. Toys are neatly put away. Dogs are sleeping. Sleeping on a rainy Monday. Quiet. So, so quiet. Gadisa started at his day care today. He will go 2 days a week starting out for now. It's what he needs right now. Socialization, other kids to interact with. However, this mama already misses him. I wonder how he's coping and I wonder what he thought when he realized we had left. Oh, how I am drawn so much to this little guy. This is hard and I must be really wussy because it's ONLY two days a week. What I keep thinking is that it's an end of an era. That precious, short lived time when he was home with just me all the time. That time goes by so quickly. He is exploring and seeing new things. Good for him though. It also gives me the opportunity to do the same. It takes a village to raise a child is always my philosophy. I think all these sleepy pets are appreciating the day and the calmness of not being flopped on by a rowdy toddler. I am trying to do the same. Trying... as I feel a bit lost today without him.

Festival Festivities

Well, we survived. Kanrocksas came and went last weekend and it's taken me a full week to recover. It was nice for a change to experience this from the other side of the stage. I was pure rock fan all weekend long and I have to say, it was probably one of the best weekends of my life.

I saw my husband for a total of about 10 minutes on my birthday on Friday, but he was working 20 hour days for the few days leading up to the festival. It's been nice watching him decompress this week and take things slow. To slowly get out of bed instead of run to a meeting about this monster the second his feet hit the floor.

The festival was a true success. I have never been to a festival where the vibe was so peaceful and friendly. The heat was in the 100's and the scene could have been much more aggressive just based on that, but everyone was relaxed and mellow.

As I stood there in a sea of sweaty, exhausted, fellow concert goers I was never so proud of Josh and the people that make up our company. They sacrificed time with their families and a lot of their sanity to pull this thing off. It was the biggest challenge Mammoth (the company) has ever faced. It completely beat down every single person involved, but standing there in the middle of it I know everyone appreciated Kanrocksas and what it brought to KS last weekend.

We are in talks already on what the production will be like for next year and I will be working on the marketing of it in some aspect. I'm worried about how much time that will take up, but then I remember that I've been in this business for 14 years and when I tried to walk away from it and everything I built to raise my son, it just wouldn't leave me. So, we as our little family will figure out the balance of it all together. Till next year, Kanrocksas!

Today's Morning Cup Of Tea

Can one really completely reinvent oneself? You know, put all those traits that you don't necessarily agree with away and bring out the good ones. Or, just even make up new ones along the way. I seem to grasp at the idea of reinvention for many reasons from time to time.

I like change. Anything staying the same for too long makes me squirm. Like that feeling in the winter of being snowed in for too many days? Itching to get out and do something.

I change my mind...a lot. I often think I have the perfect scenario worked out and then WHAM...I go and come up with another life plan or another way of doing something that I'm sure is the best way to do it.

I often waver on self confidence. This seems to be my self help theme of the summer. I thought coming into my thirties a few years ago would magically deliver a strong sense of contentment with myself...all tied up in pretty ribbon and eye catching packaging (this is that marketing aspect of myself...packaging, people...it works). However, since leaving a daily grind of an office and stepping into life as a mom, my self esteem has taken a hit. Maybe it's the lack of interaction or the fact that when you become a parent you instantly also have a trillion ways to mess that up and doubt what you're doing.

The grass is always greener...I dislike this manifesto. Mainly because I constantly do it. I think that if we can just do this or that, then we are golden. My husband constantly reminds me of the shades of green that await for me on the other side of my latest ideal scenario. He's a good reality buffer (but also known as the Dream Hammer). The grass is always greener is one of those traits that I would like to chuck out the window.

So, in a nutshell...I am trying a new tactic. I am working on not reinventing myself. I am working on comfort. I am working on the here and the now. I am working on laughing at myself and the 10 ways I moved the furniture around in the living room the other day...only to really move it all back and just turn the table a different direction to get my "fresh change" of scenery. I am working on yoga and the calmness it brings me and even more importantly the way it allows me to carry my head. Held high and confidently held as my own. A jumbled concoction of all sorts of ideas and dreams...and yes....doubt too. A complete package of me tied up with a tattered and frayed ribbon, but a ribbon all the same.