Today's Morning Cup Of Tea

Can one really completely reinvent oneself? You know, put all those traits that you don't necessarily agree with away and bring out the good ones. Or, just even make up new ones along the way. I seem to grasp at the idea of reinvention for many reasons from time to time.

I like change. Anything staying the same for too long makes me squirm. Like that feeling in the winter of being snowed in for too many days? Itching to get out and do something.

I change my mind...a lot. I often think I have the perfect scenario worked out and then WHAM...I go and come up with another life plan or another way of doing something that I'm sure is the best way to do it.

I often waver on self confidence. This seems to be my self help theme of the summer. I thought coming into my thirties a few years ago would magically deliver a strong sense of contentment with myself...all tied up in pretty ribbon and eye catching packaging (this is that marketing aspect of myself...packaging, people...it works). However, since leaving a daily grind of an office and stepping into life as a mom, my self esteem has taken a hit. Maybe it's the lack of interaction or the fact that when you become a parent you instantly also have a trillion ways to mess that up and doubt what you're doing.

The grass is always greener...I dislike this manifesto. Mainly because I constantly do it. I think that if we can just do this or that, then we are golden. My husband constantly reminds me of the shades of green that await for me on the other side of my latest ideal scenario. He's a good reality buffer (but also known as the Dream Hammer). The grass is always greener is one of those traits that I would like to chuck out the window.

So, in a nutshell...I am trying a new tactic. I am working on not reinventing myself. I am working on comfort. I am working on the here and the now. I am working on laughing at myself and the 10 ways I moved the furniture around in the living room the other day...only to really move it all back and just turn the table a different direction to get my "fresh change" of scenery. I am working on yoga and the calmness it brings me and even more importantly the way it allows me to carry my head. Held high and confidently held as my own. A jumbled concoction of all sorts of ideas and dreams...and yes....doubt too. A complete package of me tied up with a tattered and frayed ribbon, but a ribbon all the same.